Star Crossed

Last summer I tried paddle boarding for the first time with a wonderful woman I was dating. After paddling around the lake a good long while, we did that thing everyone in a new relationship does, avoided having to leave each other. I watched her deflate and put away the boards. I tried to not listen as she talked to her ex-wife about their kids on a phone call. Finally, we sat on the curb of the parking lot between our cars and talked.

My back started to bother me so I laid down on the concrete to stretch my hip, and relax my muscles. It had become dark, but it wasn’t cold so we pressed against each other and looked at the stars. I have an app on my phone that shows real time overlays of constellations, planets, and deep space objects. We looked at everything we could think of even though I kept dropping the phone on us, but we just laughed.

I kept seeing these streaks of light crossing the sky. They were about the same size as the stars but the color was different somehow. I thought it might be the damage to my eyes. Sometimes I see things that aren’t there. Usually they’re black spots but also light flashes and migraine auras. The spots were always more visible when I looked at the sky, so maybe that was all. It had been some time since I laid out at night and perhaps it was it wasn’t there, just one of the many strange things my body does. Then she asked me about it and I knew it was real. What was that streaking light? A satellite? We tried to get the app on my phone to identify it, but nothing specific was associated with the light.

Then I remembered I’d read about an apartheid billionaire “destroying the night sky.” They talked about all the hundreds of satellites he’d put in orbit, that the light pollution was quite possibly a crime against humanity. It affected the entire globe. Something that had been a part of human existence since humans were first birthed, was now marred.

I told her about this. That our quiet, intimate moment, laying on a sidewalk, in a stolen moment away from our children and responsibilities, had been intruded upon by the hubris of a man. Something about this transgression was foundational. There was no longer a place in the world we could go and be truly alone. The arrogance of one man would always intrude.

I wondered about the future. I despaired that I’d not noticed before. My body felt as though I could hear them. I watched the same lines drawn in the sky by the satellites over and over until I had memorized the pattern of their orbit.

How very small we seemed. How very like a pair of atoms in our own organic bond. Trying to survive while toxic greed cut up all of existence to sell to the highest bidder. What molecule did we make? How much were we worth? We were a part of the universe’s organic whole, but could easily be scrubbed away.

Starlight Gestalt released!

A few years ago, I sold a short story to be part of a Halloween romance anthology. Days before the collection went to press, the publisher closed. Editing was finished, we had cover art, and promotions began.

Then it was gone.

We all got our right back from the publisher, but I wasn’t sure what to do with the story. It didn’t feel right to shop it around, and to be honest, I was in a pretty rough place and wasn’t capable of any emotional labor.

Late last year, I shared it as a part of a rewards tier for a group Patreon I participated with an amazing group of people, calling ourselves, Crystal Queer. It was a delightful experience and really pushed me to continue to create through a dark time. I will forever be grateful to them.

I was encouraged by a few friends to simply self publish the story for people to enjoy. I was informed by one friend that it hit them, “right in the gender feels” which is pretty high praise, I’d say!

Available now on Amazon!

What is Starlight Gestalt?
* non binary MC
* sexy German poetry
* a hermit witch
* Will O The Wisps
* the forest at night
* Bananagrams!

Thank you to everyone who made this possible, especially: CL, CM, DL, and LS

Starlight Gestalt book cover

-R/AC